Signing Out

Oh my. This lazy-ass got so lazy that...

I stopped cooking! I will again one day, but for now I've got a job that feeds me, a lady friend that feeds me, and the audacity to eat pre-made meals.

Je m'excuse.

Pilau with Yogurt Salad - Food of the Gods

I look forward to my death sometimes. Because when I die, the last meal I will eat will be Pilau.

Hospitalized at age seven, due to asthma-related illnesses, my grandmother asked me what I wanted to eat when I got out. "Vegetable Pilau."
Whenever I visit my mom, she wants to know what I want to eat "Pilau."
Whenever I taste cardamoms in chai, I crave Pilau. In fact, besides pickles, it's the most consistent food craving I've had.

This dish is my comfort food and it trumps any of yours.

Because I haven't posted in a while (due to my current employment situation and the fact that I am cooking very little these days), I am going to give you the lazy version of this recipe, but either way, the ends will justify the means. It should take you under an hour. I can do it all in thirty, but I usually get someone else to make the yogurt salad.

PILAU:

3 cups Basmati rice, washed
1 package PC Veggie Chicken Strips
1 can Potatoes (okay, that's the lazy part. I don't make time to peel potatoes. I had a traumatic experience once).
1/2 Onion, chopped
Handful of fresh Coriander
5 Cloves
1 Cinnamon stick crushed into smaller sticks
7 Cardamoms (big and small)
3 Bay Leaves
1 tbls Masala
1 tsp Turmeric
2 tbls Salt
2 cups Frozen peas/carrots/whatever
2 tsps Ginger/Garlic
5 tbls Vegetable oil
Water (this is only quantifiable after all ingredients are in the pot).

I should state that all the quantities are usually eyeballed. So here it it goes: Get the biggest pot you have. On medium heat, add onions and whole spices, let that cook for a couple minutes. Then add the ginger/garlic, chicken, vegetables, and potatoes. Add masala, turmeric, salt. Stir that all up, let it cook for a minute. Then add the rice. Fill with water until the water is at the same level as everything else or a tad higher. bring to a boil, then let simmer at medium low heat for about fifteen minutes or until the rice is cooked. Garnish with coriander.

While waiting for the rice to cook, you can make the yogurt salad.


YOGURT SALAD
Combine the following ingredients:

1 Container 1% Plain Yogurt
2-3 Green Chillies
1/2 Cucumber, grated
Handful fresh Coriander
1 tbls Lemon juice
1 tbls Salt
1/4 of an Onion

Everything turned out okay? Make sure to pour the salad on top of the Pilau. This makes it complete. I also add salt. I don't know what it is, but I enjoy fresh salt on my Pilau.

Now traditionally, Indian folks eat with their hands. However, I only eat one dish with my hands and this is it. It actually improves the taste.

Photos tonight.

Refried Bean Enchiladas: The Answer to An Empty Stomach and Wallet

Last night, the fridge was empty again. And so was my tummy. I wanted Mexican. Something spicy and cheesy and gooey.

After roaming the isles at the Dufferin Mall No Frills, I came upon an Old El Paso Burrito Kit on sale for $2.99. I realized it was dumb though, because you had to add a bunch of crap to it. The kit only contains tortillas - which happen to taste like newspaper, a seasoning mix (MSG and other preservatives included), and their version of salsa. Useless.

Then I remembered that I used to make enchiladas. Or what I think are enchiladas. I'm no expert.

This No Frills location has an extensive Mexican food selection so I was able to get some authentic Mexican products.

It's really easy to make.

Ingredients:
One can of San Marcos Chipotle Refried Beans
One can of La Victoria Enchilada Sauce
P.C. Medium Soft Flour Torillas
Cheddar Cheese (grated)
No Name Light Sour Cream

Pre-heat that oven to 450 or whatever. I randomly chose that temperature and it seemed to work.

Place a couple tablespoonfuls of beans inside tortilla, sprinkle some grated cheese over that and then roll up the tortilla and place in a rectangular glass baking dish. I was able to roll six tortillas and fit them in the dish. Open the can of sauce and pour over the tortillas.

Traditionally, you put the cheese on top of the sauce, but cheese on the inside seemed more sensible to me (you don't use as much and the insides are more inviting).

Bake for 15 minutes. Eat with a fork and knife. Serve with a side of sour cream.



Ideally, I would have liked some greens in last night's meal, but that did not happen.

Instead we had chocolate cake.

Simple Samp - Canned Goodness

It has been close to a year since my last post, so I will make this one count. I do intend to post more, but my unemployment has transitioned to underemployment thus rendering me mostly uninspired. Mostly.

On this cold November day, I feel it fitting to write about the most unique dish on my repertoire: Samp. My mom, coming from South Africa, was exposed to a wide variety of foods. I believe this is of the African origin. However, the way she makes it and the way I make it are a bit different. Mine ends up tasting like an Indian-style chili and hers, more of an Indian bean explosion.

Samp is made out of Hominy. It comes in two sizes; I buy the giant can. You can find it at Grace's Foods on Bank Street in Ottawa and probably any grocery store in Toronto. If you don't live in either city, I will advise you to figure it out on your own.

This recipe involves a lot of cans. I'm not opposed to using canned goods. It's cheap, still healthy (preservatives are minimal) and way-less time-consuming then getting the raw beans and boiling them for hours. Screw that. I'm sick of canned-good snobbery. And I won't have it.

RECIPE:

1 can of Hominy (drained)
1 can of Black Beans (drained)
1 can Crushed Tomatoes*
1/2 Tomato Paste
1/2 Onion, diced
Vegetable oil
3 Cloves of Garlic
4 Bay Leaves
1 tsp Masala
2 tsp Chili Powder
Salt (to taste)
a pinch Parsley
a pinch Sage
a pinch Rosemary
a pinch Thyme

In a large pot heat oil with onions. When onions are soft-ish add garlic. Then add all the cans and the rest of the ingredients. Bring to a boil, then simmer for a bit so the flavours get all mixed together.

I like to eat it on its own, but since it's very similar to chili, you can have bread or naan on the side.

*You can use crushed tomatoes or diced tomatoes or even tomato sauce, depending on what kind of texture you desire.


Et voila!

Ketchup: A New Hope for Loose Soy Sandwiches

Being completely screwed financially, sometimes you have to make stuff from scratch (well this is as "from scratch" as I get anyway). I have the best thing to make that takes like no time at all. I made it a couple nights ago. Oh, and it's more healthy than unhealthy: Sloppy Joes or "Loose Soy Sandwiches."



I just thought of the name Loose Soy right now because I was trying to think of where I came up with this recipe and it was basically the TV show Roseanne. Man, I love that show so much, in so many ways. You don't see TV shows these days that are so honest. I always felt like I could go over to the Connor family house and make cracks at Jackie, like the rest of them. And as a kid, I really related to Darlene. But I digress. Remember on Roseanne the infamous Loose Meat Sandwiches served at the Lunch Box? As gross as those sandwiches looked, they also stimulated my salivary glands. The episode where Roseanne teaches Darlene's home economics class how to make meatloaf inspired my mom to make it (rather, it inspired my brother and I to nag my mom to make it). It wasn't too good. And that was my first and last meatloaf: Cornflakes and ketchup. Actually, it was the ketchup that saved it.



Ketchup saved this recipe too.



For the Sloppy part:
Hamburger buns (you can get creative with the bun, but I kept it simple with a white generic brand
One package of Yves Original Veggie Ground Round
1 quarter of an Onion, chopped
1 cup of Ketchup
1 cup of Water
1 tsp Chili Flakes
1 tsp Chili Powder
1 clove of Garlic
pinch of each: Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme
Salt (to taste)
2 tablespoons Vegetable oil.

Cook the onions in the oil with the chili flakes on medium heat. Add the soy. Let it cook for a minute. Add everything else and bring it to a bubble and lower the temperature. Stir it occasionally. You can add more or less ketchup and water, depending on how sloppy you want things to get.

Ladle the slop onto the bun.

Maximum cook time is 10mins.

If you aren't salivating at this point, and you have a more time, put slop covered side of the bun in the toaster over and cover it with grated cheese or sliced Havarti. I've done it in the past, but it's unnecessary.

I used ketchup because I forgot to buy tomato paste, but it really works the same way. It thickens and creates a yummy sauce.

On top of this, you are bound to have leftovers. Last night, I used the rest of the slop as a sauce to accompany some penne pasta. (side note: the penne pasta was swiped along with three other bags of pasta from my parents pantry when I was in Ottawa last month). Cha-ching!

Also because I am not using beef and using Yves veggie ground round, it's a helluva lot healthier than Loose Meat.

I kinda want to experiment with veggie meatloaf now. I just don't know much about meatloaf. Bleh. If I didn't like the meat version, I guess the vegetarian one still would suck.

Curried Veggie Chicken with Naan and Salad

I was so hungry and lazy last night. My almost bare fridge gave me little hope, but then I thought about being a kid and eating Indian-style fried chicken with naan and salad.

CHICKEN! WHAT THE?!
No, no... I don't eat chicken now. I have a seriously good substitution for it though, PC Blue Menu Mediterranean Meatless Chicken Strips. Now, while they're mildly marinated in some Mediterranean garbage, the amount of seasoning I add to my cooking eliminates all that. It's only 3.99 in Toronto. I remember it being 5.99 in Ottawa. Why? No clue. You get a better deal too compared to the Yves brand veggie chicken strips because they're like 4.99? and have less quantity and a dry texture. Processed soy products are awesome because they're so healthy. Especially for those people that think vegetarians aren't getting their B12, this stuff is chalk full of it. And iron too. There's little to no (bad) fat either. It's a staple in my diet. So yeah, these products come in many variations and all deliver quality, healthy, and tasty results. Beat that, meat!

So I pull out a bag of those (side note: my only complaint is the packaging. Why give me a bag within a bag?) and some pre-made naan that I found at No Frills for like $2.00. You get 10 slices too. So I only use like 60 cents worth of it for one meal. I also wanted a salad with lemon juice/vinegar dressing. All I had was baby carrots and pre-washed organic baby romaine lettuce. At first, I loved the convenience of the bag salads, because washing lettuce is a pain, but these seem to go bad SO fast and you should still wash them. Really, who knows where that stuff has been.

On Naan
It's called Naan people, never call it "nan bread." It is insulting to my ears. There are two As for a reason. And it's like saying "bread bread." So dumb. Naan is really good heated up in the toaster oven. You can find naan at any grocery store. Don't buy that PC brand naan, that is weird and expensive. The brand I got was Mogulai. I don't even know if that's Indian. Sometimes I buy greek pitas, the thick kind, because it's almost the same.

Here's what it ended up looking like:


FOR CHICKEN:

1 Package PC Blue Menu Mediterranean Meatless Strips
1 Tsp of masala
1 Tsp of chili powder
1 Tsp of turmeric
1 Tablespoon of vegetable oil

Pour oil onto fry pan, then add chicken and spices. Cook for like 10 minutes or when food is hot.

1/2 bag of Naan

SALAD (quantity varies, depending on how much salad you want):

Lettuce
Carrots
5 second squeeze Lemon juice
2 cap-fulls of Vinegar
1 tsp salt

The dressing is classic and perfectly accompanies Indian food (and Ethiopian, I noticed). Grate the carrots, much better that way.

So just eat the chicken and salad with the naan, no need for forks (unless you think you can't handle it).

MY SPICE TIN:


MASALA! QUE PASSA?!
I am not too well-versed on the subject, but my masala comes from South Africa. It's more orangey. Most Indian people cooking with garam masala, but I don't like it as much as this special South African stuff I got. Take a field trip to Little India sometime and weigh out your options. Some people make their own masala, but for the lazy-ass in me, it ain't gonna happen. Plus I get mine for free from my mom.

Also make sure to use chili powder not curry powder. I don't know what curry powder is.

Well, anyway, this entry took me like an hour to write and I am sure I can still blab on. The meal last night, however, took me.... a maximum of 12 minutes to make. Try it, you'll love it and wished you ate it as a kid.

Introduction: The Face Behind the Name

Growing up I did very little cooking. I mostly steered clear of the kitchen. My mother and grandmother would always ask me to help out with cooking. I wouldn't do it. They never asked my brother, who was a year older than me because "he is a boy". That pissed me off so hard. From then on whenever I did nothing, it was a protest to the sexism that was being practised in my house.

Now, I said earlier that I mostly steered clear of the kitchen, well, there were times that I baked and cooked things on my own, when no one was really around. I used to make candy apples from scratch. Gingerbreadhouses too. Basically, delicious things where the ends justified the means. But I got older and could afford to buy the pre-fab Gingerbreadhouses, so I quit that.

I was also a disgusting meat-eater until I was eighteen. Okay, I would go to McDonalds and eat two Big Macs in a sitting. It was my favourite. When I became a vegetarian it was my "aha" moment. (Oprah, that one's for you!) It was a World Issues class in high school. Talking about land and cows and stuff. From then on meat was off the menu. I gradually cut out seafood though, as it was harder to give up. I love seafood. But we're not here to talk about why I'm a vegetarian, it's more or less about why I still am: my delicious diet.

I never cooked my own vegetarian meals. My entire family eats meat. My parents are vegetarian on Tuesdays and my cousin, Shalini, is a part-time vegetarian. My dear mother mostly cooked for me, until I moved out at age twenty-four.

That gives me three years so far of doing it on my own. I am a lazy person and I don't want to sound like I take pride in that, but I've come up with some awesome recipes and meal solutions that are founded upon three essential factors. They have to be:

a)Somewhat Healthy,
b)Easy (short prep. time/few ingredients), and;
c)Cheap.

Let my recipes and ideas stimulate you. That or, you know, allow you to save a couple minutes. Ah, the art of cooking.